hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
