You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
