Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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