so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
