i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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