that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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