How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Randomize
