I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
