so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
