im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
