I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
