I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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