All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
