No stitches, just platelets and will power
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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