i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
My dick has a subreddit
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
