new low.... made out with someone while peeing
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
