we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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