i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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