i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
