apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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