you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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