I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
