So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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