there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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