Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
