I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
The feeling are messing with the penis
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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