At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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