We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
