It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
