is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Woke up backwards on a recliner
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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