Can Purell be used as lube?
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
