We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
