I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
