She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
