Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
