She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
