i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
