What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
