so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
