Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
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