Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Randomize
