i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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