the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
