I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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