Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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