Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
