How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
