you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
