I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
