am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Randomize
