my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
