Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
please don't ironically join a cult
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