well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
